Monday, April 27, 2015

My Muse Wears Combat Boots!

SCENE: Mark's Room. Mark is lying on the bed, semi-conscious. An old MST3K episode is playing on the TV. He's surrounded by empty soda cans and crumpled microwave popcorn bags. Suddenly the door breaks open and Mark's Muse comes storming into the room.

Mark's Muse: Okay you fat, ugly load! Up and at 'em.

Mark: (Groans and mumbles groggily.)

Muse: None of that, wuss. It's been two months since you posted a damn thing on your crappy little blog. Time to get your ass on that computer and post something! Now ooze your tonnage out of that bed and get to work!

Mark: Go away. I've not up for it. I'm feeling depressed. Work has been a real drain. I've got writer's block.

Muse: Oh, writer's block my eye! Look, you totally neglected to post anything about your trip to Gary Con, you let Swords & Wizardry Appreciation Day slip by you, you've posted nothing on James Spahn's upcoming SW: Whitebox-based science fiction game, and the "Year of Tekumel" is a quarter over and you've only posted about that lame-ass GM screen!

Mark: Yeah, yeah, it's not as if anyone really cares about this damn blog. I only have around 80 subscribers while all the other cool OSR bloggers have hundreds of followers, some with lucrative Paetron accounts to justify the time and effort they put into their work.

Muse: Oh boo hoo! Nobody reads my blog and I'm a pauper with a lousy day-job! Save the crippling self-doubt for your therapist, worm! Now write!

Mark: Fine! (Gets up to open up his laptop.) This will teach me to get my muses second hand from fantasy porn-comic sites.

Muse: More writing, less snark lard-bottom or I'll use your meager excuse for genitals as a whimsical pencil topper!