I just had a disturbing thought...

After the last heart-pounding, action-packed (and nudity-free) episode of Game of Thrones, something occurred to me...

"Let it go! Let it go!"

Post-Apocalyptic Horror: The Ice Cream Bunny

As my holiday treat to the OSR community, here is a new nightmare for your next Gamma World/Mutant Future campaign:

The children pictured here where NEVER seen again.

Ice Cream Bunny

No. Enc.: 1
Alignment: Chaotic
Movement: 120' (40')
Armor Class: 2
Hit Dice: 12
Attacks: 3 (bite, claw, claw)
Damage:  1d8/1d6/1d6
Save:  L5
Morale: n/a (It knows no fear!)
Hoard Class: XV
Mutations: Empathy (Fear. Always Fear), Teleport

We followed the children's trail to the forbidden ruins; the place that parents from all the nearby tribes warned their young ones to never go near. It was once supposed to have been some sort pleasure land for the Ancients before the Great Cataclysm, now it was a place of whispered horror where none ever returned.

The party first saw it come out from behind the a rusted-out metal shed--I swear by the Lords of Light that there was nothing there before! It looked like some misshapen Hoop or Hopper, but larger. It stood upright and walked like a humanoid rather than hopped. As it approached, I could sensed the thing exuded a dark, evil, inimical intelligence, but not a word it spoke. It only laughed... <sob> ...by the gods! How it laughed! It was a laugh that chilled my soul and filled me with more terror than I had ever felt before. I can still hear it now...

 No one knows where these horrors come from or what they truly are: some insane mutation, a demon straight from the depth of Hell, an Elder God from a realm of madness and chaos beyond space and time? It is always found in the ruins of ancient theme parks. It seems to have a fondness for child flesh, a prey that is easily lured its doom by it's whimsical appearance. That is, until it's ready to feed.

The creature appears to be mute, save it's constant, spine-chilling, fear-inducing laughter. The creature generates pure paralyzing  knee-shacking, bowl-and-bladder-loosening terror. When it's prey is sufficiently petrified by fear, it lashes out with it's razor sharp teeth and claws. It is also reported to have teleportation abilities, appearing suddenly to attack. Some brave and fortunate warriors have reported slaying this beast and finding hordes of Ancient technology among the bones of childern in its lair. However; it is soon replaced by another or it returns from the dead. No one knows for sure!

Here is a segment of the only known video documentation of this monstrosity:

"Happy Chitlásha to all...!"

'Twas the Night before Chitlasha and all through the clan
Not a person was stirring, neither Pe Choi nor Man.
The slaves were all locked in their stables with care
For I didn't wish any more trouble down there.

The children were nestled all snug on their mats,
With nightmares of Ssuganar tormenting the brats.
And I hung the meshqu "Don't disturb, I relax",
While my wives settled down for a night on their backs.

When out in the courtyard there arose such a clatter
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Leaping over Third Wife, cross the room did I dash
Threw open the shutters and saw a great flash.

The moons on the breasts of the demon Quyo
Gave a red-and-green luster to her statue below,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a shining blue oval that filled me with fear.

Then out leapt a creature with a nose glowing red
And I feared in a moment I soon would be dead.
More rapid than Hlaka these monsters they came
As one 'round the back called out their true names;

"Now DASHER! Now DANCER, now PRANCER and VIXEN!
On COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As leaves which before a wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky
So up to the rooftop the first creature flew
With eight more behind it, and a palanquin too.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each demon-hoof.
As I entered the room and was looking around
Down the chimney a humanoid came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
From the brick fireplace that appeared at his back
He withdrew an enormous red tarpaulin sack

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a berry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And my wives and I feared there was nowhere to go.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke seemed to come from burning a leaf.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
Which shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, like a demonic peasant,
And the smile I gave him was carefully pleasant.
But the wink of his eye and the twist of his head
Seemed like a spell-gesture, and filled me with dread.

He spoke not a word for the spell he would work
And had just turned around when he stopped with a jerk.
A finger was laid to one side of his nose
When he started to glow a bright shade of rose.

Third Wife's Ruby Eye also captured the sleigh
You can see them in Bey Su where they're on display.
A priest closed the nexus with a ritual spell
But I left the brick fireplace. Why not? It works well.

I rewarded Third Wife with thesun and gold
And named her First Wife though just sixteen years old.
Therefore she exclaimed during our evening rites
"HAPPY CHITLASHA TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

Even Prince Dhich'uné is getting into the festive spirit!

[(C) 1995 Bob Alberti, Jr. with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, M. A. R. Barker, Santa Claus, and most of Western Civilization.]

Be Aggressive

I should have posted this little ditty to the blog some time ago:

"Be aggressive" should be the OSR's official battle cry!